nice guys finish last with women?
One of the most popular emails I get in terms
of questions from men, is:
"There's this ONE woman I know that
I really like and she doesn't seem
to be responding and-" etc., etc.
And the REAL truth is that there's
nothing in particular about this woman
that's so great, there's no real
reason to be focusing on her as
opposed to finding other women.
But that's not what it FEELS like, right?
It always seems that THIS one is
really different from all the other
situations where guys are saying
"there's this one woman" even though
there's ZERO evidence for why she
is so special.
Sometimes, even if you are amongst
MILLIONS of women, you get caught up
on ONE woman, and you pursue her no
matter what, even if she gives you
no reciprocation, etc, etc-
Hopefully this one newsletter will
take care of ALL of these types of
questions.
So here we go:
About a year ago I happened to see
this movie that REMINDED me just how
INSANELY tough it must be to be a
guy who is living without knowing
the full deal about attraction,
about women, and about the way
human emotions work.
Sitting in the theatre, this movie
pissed me off!
You see, the movie is called
"Forgetting Sarah Marshall".
And in this movie, is a dude who I
thought EVERYONE in the theatre
would NOT be able to relate to,
because to me, his behavior seemed
so EXTREMELY pathetic.
It was almost OFFENSIVE to me that
guys could be portrayed that way.
Even though this movie is a comedy,
the reality is that it would not
work if the audience felt this guy
was COMPLETELY CRAZY.
The movie works because the reality
is that THIS BASIC FEELING is very
PREVALENT among GOOD GUYS
when it comes to women.
I'll give you the basic story in a nutshell
in a sec, if you don't already know.
And then it hit me. You see, I USED
to think very SIMILARLY to this
character in the movie!
It's only because for years now,
I have been so immersed in a different
way of going about things that the
old behaviors NOW seems so absolutely
crazy to me.
And the fact that this character's type
of thinking in the movie does not seem
absolutely absurd and crazy- the fact
it seems identifiable as something
that could happen - is HORRIFYING to me!
It shows what massive confusion us guys
have been forced to suffer for so long...
I want to clear this whole topic up!
I want to make that type of behavior, that
type of thinking, EXTINCT!
So what was this behavior?
In the movie, this woman who is supposed
to be super hot, (reality check is that
even THIS is the result of scarcity style
thinking) and she suddenly dumps him after
four years.
He goes CRAZY desperate, he becomes a total
needy wreck, he tries to win her BACK, he
ABANDONS his whole life, loses passion
for his goals, self-esteem plummets, etc.
Now, the first thing that was glaringly
obvious to me, is that no woman on Earth
"suddenly" dumps a guy.
This is all part of the myth, the nightmare
myth used to scare guys, that a woman who
is this great person, suddenly DROPS a guy
out of the blue, she becomes this uncaring
unfeeling person, etc.
What ACTUALLY happens is that a guy ends up
falling victim to what is known as the
HALO EFFECT.
The halo effect is when humans see people
who are attractive or celebrities or both,
they tend to think these people are BETTER
than other people - more NOBLE, more honest,
more intelligent, etc.
It's total emotional HOGWASH, but it happens
so often and even today with all this knowledge
even educated people often FALL for it.
So much so that you may notice whenever you
see criminals in court, they dress as well
as they can to try to influence the judge
or jury to come to a verdict that says he
or she is innocent.
Well, at least this disturbing movie SHOWS
this, it shows it in a pretty intelligent way,
although I wonder if every man truly got
the lesson from this flick, as opposed to
just walking out thinking "yup, the good
guy got the good girl in the end and it
was all happy endings' because that's
definitely NOT the point of the film.
The point is that WEAKNESS will
REPEL all women, and that weakness
is not "nice" at all.
What the movie shows at first, are his
MEMORIES of this woman. He keeps on
TORTURING HIMSELF by remembering the
"fun times" they had together.
He keeps seeing her smile in his mind,
he keeps remembering when they got
physical, etc.
And of course, this makes him more and
more sad, depressed, and frustrated!
Then, his best friend tries to help him out,
tries to set him straight, and then TELLS
him something STRAIGHT UP:
"Hey man, whenever she was around us,
and I saw her with you, she was pretty
much a bitch."
I'm paraphrasing, but that's what he said,
in a heartfelt way. His friend is trying
to HELP him, but his friend is also truly
being HONEST.
So what does the guy respond with? He gets
angry at his friend for him saying this.
"How dare his friend say this about his
"great" woman!"
So he tells off his FRIEND, he tells his friend
that this girl was better than his friend's girlfriend!
Does this make any sense? The girl that
dumped him, was better?!
Well, the truth is that unless you are
trained and developed in the ways of
the "force" when it comes to attraction
and inner game, this kind of thing is
very realistic, because what happens
is that our minds play TRICKS on us.
It's the halo effect, in full effect!
Also, good guys are NOTORIOUS for falling
for the "halo effect" because since THEY are
so nice and good themselves, they think that
everyone ELSE is, as well, including these
women, so when you COMBINE that with
the fact these women are GORGEOUS, the
HALO effect becomes OVERWHELMINGLY
powerful.
In the film, we see how it's not just that this guy
felt his girlfriend was beautiful, he also felt
she was somehow great, a great person,
a wonderful person, someone he was going
to miss!
He didn't say that his girlfriend was
hotter, he actually said she was "better"!
And yet, this is exactly how many guys
might feel in real life in similar
situations.
All because of the HALO EFFECT.
If the guy truly honestly felt that it
was just a woman's looks that were superior
to those of other women, he would not stand
for the abuse.
The problem is that the halo effect makes
a person feel that the beautiful person
is somehow not only superior in looks,
but also in personality and intelligence,
etc., etc.
And this is what millions of guys
experience all the time.
In fact, the memories we trigger when
we are under the halo effect are often
FALSE MEMORIES!
Emotions are insanely powerful things.
We tend to feel first, and then we
rationalize those feelings as being
appropriate feelings. We give reasons
for those feelings, reasons that feel
right!
In reality though, the feelings usually
have nothing to do with the reasons we
give for them! In fact, very often, the
reasons we give for the feelings are not
only wrong, they are horrifyingly wrong,
they are the farthest thing from the truth!
So, for example, because the guy feels
attraction and feels she is good (all
due to the halo effect), he then has
selective memory, to only remember the
good things, no matter how tiny they
were.
Is a smile such a big deal?
Who does not smile ever?
And what the heck is valuable
in a smile, it could be she
is smiling for totally selfish
reasons!
Not only that, if a guy feels strong
enough about a woman, he may even
create memories that never existed,
he will WARP the past into it being
something more special than it was!
Our brains do this because we think
there is no way that we can feel so
good about something or someone that
was actually NOT good!
Eventually in the movie, he slowly
starts to regain some accuracy in
his memories, and it's no coincidence
that these memories are triggered
only once he regains his self-esteem!
Suddenly then, he starts to remember
all the sick and twisted things she
did to him!
And this brings me to a massive point:
The whole problem in the first place
started because he himself was not
feeling the kind of self-esteem that
every man deserves to experience.
He was doing work that he hated, he
had vague dreams of creating a rock opera
with puppets that he was not putting
into action, and his whole attitude
toward his own life sucked.
The ONLY thing he had going on that
seemed cool was this chick who was an
actress, decently attractive, etc.
And so she became his only source of self-esteem.
Again, not just because of her attractiveness,
but because the HALO effect ALSO made him
view her as smart, noble, good, virtuous,
special, etc. And so having her in his
life made him feel that he was special
by association.
He needed a self-esteem prop so badly
(because he was ignoring his true inner
self which is where self esteem should
really come from) that he was oblivious
to the reality that indeed she was a shallow,
selfish, emotionally and intellectually void
beeee-yotch!
He needed her so badly, only because
his own reservoir of self-esteem was
running on EMPTY.
He had nothing INTERNAL to base his
own self-esteem ON.
And even when his friend was telling
him to get to work on that rock opera,
all he did was say he couldn't because
he was heartbroken.
Yet, by ignoring his self, his own
identity, his own self-esteem plummeted
FURTHER, leaving him even MORE vulnerable
to the halo effect and selective memory
and being desperate for her.
And even when he slept with many women,
it didn't help, because he still felt
empty about himself inside. He still
felt she was the special one, because
for years and years, he had unwittingly
brainwashed himself into believing this!
This is true to life as well, as the
"pick up artist" advice of "just go
sleep with tons of women to forget
the previous woman" doesn't work
any better than a woman who tries
to use the same strategy to forget
a guy.
It's only when he meets another woman
who is emotionally more intelligent
than he is, and understands what is
going on internally with him, that
things begin to slowly change.
This new woman, well her self-esteem
is INTERNALLY driven.
She is not all about having "celebrity
pet care centers" or about being famous
and glitzy, she does not need to have
validation from everyone around her to
be happy, and she doesn't need to be
rewarded for being a good and happy person,
she does it because she FEELS GOOD doing it.
Her own self esteem is SKYROCKETING.
This is an example of what I mean by
a "Great Girl" as opposed to just getting
girls.
And she encourages HIM to grow this way
as well. She even devises a sly but loving
method of getting him to FORCE HIMSELF
to take action on his dreams and goals.
All this stuff helps him REALIZE that
what he was REALLY SEARCHING for all
this time was not his ex-girlfriend,
but HIMSELF.
He had LOST HIMSELF before he even MET
the abusive woman, so he was a perfect
target for total destruction for the
abuser.
And yet all those years he was HAPPY to
be with her, he felt she was the GREATEST
thing that happened to him.
And yet, the new woman, who he is attracted
to massively as well, cannot do MAGIC.
She can only lead the way...
So a certain amount of emotional growing has
to come from HIM and him only. This is his
real mission.
Yet, he at first fails this mission,
because when the ex who dumped
him comes running back to him after her
new boyfriend cheats on her (and after
her new boyfriend can't take her selfish
behavior because it gets in the way of
his own selfish behavior) and after her
TV show gets cancelled, he actually
becomes weak and fools around with her
a bit even though he stops half way
and regrets it horribly.
However, it's still enough damage to cause
the new awesome woman he's met to lose
respect for him.
Which makes sense, because really what
he has done has shown her that his
self-esteem is SO WEAK, that HE IS WEAK.
This is why I HATE it when "nice guys"
get associated with characters like
the guy in the movie.
This guy doesn't lose the initial girl
because he's NICE.
He loses her because he's WEAK internally.
He's too weak to see that he shouldn't
have been with the abusive woman in the
first place and he's too weak to see
that he needs to develop himself INSIDE
first!
This isn't nice.
This isn't good.
It's pathetic.
When a woman says "Are you strong enough
to be my man?", she doesn't mean,
"Are you a bad boy???"
She means, "Are you a good guy and
STRONG about it, are you a good man
who is STRONG about his goodness, or
will he need validation and will he
need to pretend to be a pimp or playa
or over-compensating 'alpha' idiot
who is so scared inside that he can't
even tell the difference between an
amazing woman who treats him well and
a woman that treats him like garbage.
It's only when he FULLY REALIZES and
FULLY GROWS inside, when he become
strong enough to have NO DOUBTS about
what really is important, is he able
to truly win the girl who is beautiful
and a fantastic person as well.
So, this movie was actually a WAKE-UP
call that reminded me that I was lucky
enough to LEARN all this stuff so that
this movie's main character NOW seemed
ABSURD to me.
Don't let yourself be like the guy in
the movie who is so IMMERSED in the
ILLUSIONS that are destroying him, that
FIVE YEARS go by and even his BEST FRIEND
cannot help him when he is pleading and
trying so hard to wake him UP from the insanity.
If YOU want to get the FASTEST PATH
to REDEEMING your PRESENT and to
redeeming your FUTURE with women,so
that you waste NO TIME at all, then
you OWE it to yourself to get my
WARRIOR WITHIN PROGRAM ON DVD at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
With this program, you'll CHANGE YOURSELF
in the most POWERFUL way possible, from
DEEP INSIDE of yourself, so that your MIND
is operating on an entirely different level than
most men when it comes to women and so that
you never make the mistakes that most men
make with women again and again.
If will change your life with women, FROM THE
MOMENT YOU SEE A WOMAN ANYWHERE,
to the moment you get physical, to the moment you
get into a serious relationship, and beyond.
Again, it's at:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/warrior.html
To check out ALL my programs for success
in getting the most fantastic quality women,
go here:
http://www.getagreatgirl.com/catalogue.php
Till next time,
Michael
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